The Village aims to support adoptive, foster families

The phrase “it takes a village” has become a fixture of civic discourse – and the subject of debate – since its use as the title of Hillary Rodham Clinton’s 1996 best-selling book on the role society plays in the development of children. Some argue it takes a family, not a village, to raise a child.

But what about children with no family? What about those who suddenly have a brand-new family through fostering or adoption? Who helps those children? Who helps those families?

In Rhode Island, it’s now The Village for Rhode Island Foster and Adoptive Families, newly incorporated and currently housed in the Pawtuxet section of Cranston.

The group hopes to help those children and their families, whether foster or adoptive. Started informally five years ago by a group of women calling themselves “The Mamas” – who were immersed in the foster and adoption worlds themselves and were seeking support through a support group run by Foster Forward – its members saw that it does indeed take a village to support those on the path of fostering or adopting children, and not just short-term support.

“We were this core group of people who were always there as others came and went. We always saw that there was a need to provide ongoing support to families like ours, who were foster or adoptive families like we were, and it went beyond just getting the child to and through the door of the household,” said Elaine Gabellieri, one of the founders. “We formed this incredible bond from this monthly group and we became friends. We could understand the challenges, struggles of having kids who come and go, or who stay forever – kids who you didn’t expect to stay forever or kids who wanted to stay but then went home. There’s a lot of anguish and a lot of decisions, and I could not have done it without the support of The Mamas. We knew that everyone deserved that kind of support.”

After a lengthy discussion, the group decided to go out on their own. Gabellieri, Maya Colantuono, and Kelley Fluette were among those originals who became the founders of The Village.

“We wanted to really impact change and support more people on the same paths we were on,” Gabellieri said. “This year we incorporated in the spring and we are using space at Trinity Episcopal Church for our location. We launched in June with a big open house, about 100 people came to check us out.”

The Village is purposely fluid in its business plan, evolving over time. The organization is constantly assessing the needs of those who come for support.

“This lets us hear from people the things that actually matter. We want to make sure we understand everyone’s needs,” Colantuono said.

Cathy Sears, a foster and adoptive parent and supporter of The Village, agrees.

“We are connecting people to each other,” she said. “Connecting with other families is huge. Finding out what people need, what they’re asking us for, what they’re bringing to the table is also important, as is providing a strong, unified voice for these families.”

The women explain that needs can be emotional and come in the form of a supportive ear, a shoulder to lean on, or actual material support, such as immediate supplies.

“There are kinship placements that occur, where a family member, friend, or acquaintance is called on to take in children,” Colantuono said. “They get a phone call to take a child on a moment’s notice and they don’t have any supplies at all, sometimes they don’t even know what they need. They don’t have a crib, a car seat, or clothing for the children. Those are concrete, real needs, but we know that they also need support, and we know that they’re going to need that support down the road.”

The Village has been grateful for the support they’ve been receiving already, which has come from donations of supplies such as clothing and equipment. “The word is getting out,” Gabellieri said.

Sears’ 17-year-old son Kenny – recently adopted just before his 18th birthday – is grateful for the support that The Village has received from the start. Having been a part of the foster system since he was a year old, knows it all too well.

“People who aren’t foster parents, who can’t be foster parents, have to know that they can still help,” he said.

Sears believes raising awareness, and letting people know that they can help in so many ways other than being a foster or adoptive parent, is also part of the mission of The Village. Colantuono said someone who is providing resources will often be a candidate for taking in a foster child or adopting later on down the line. She also believes showing parents that real adoptive and foster families look like their own family is helpful, too.

“People like to see that our lives are real lives, too, like we need a coffee in the morning, too, or time to work out, that we’re real people like they are,” Sears said.

“So many people say, ‘I could never do that,’ or ‘You’re so special,’” Colantuono said. “We’re always acting as ambassadors for recruitment because sometimes a couple of years later, it leads to someone acting on their desire to do it.”

As a child who spent his life in foster homes, and was nearing the time when he’d be aging out of the foster system at age 18, Kenny is thankful for those who give of themselves and open their homes to take in children who need families. The need for foster and adoptive families in Rhode Island is significant, especially for adolescents and teens.

“I lived in state care forever,” he said. “I was in and out of homes, it was horrible. I had no support, and I really needed support and a family. I was in one home and then in group homes. I had one potential pre-adoptive family.”

Kenny worked hard to be adopted, and at 14 was featured in Adoption RI’s Heart Gallery, which is a traveling gallery featuring portraits and write-ups of children in need of families. The children can have the opportunity to be featured every two years, and Kenny was featured again at age 16, as he neared the age of 18.

“He wanted to do everything he could to find a family,” Sears said.

In 2015, Kenny found his match.

“He was out on a ‘pass’ in the community at the PRIDE parade in Providence in June 2015, and he found us there,” Cathy said. “We’d seen him at various Adoption RI events over the years and he spent most of that day with us. He asked if we would be his mentors, so we were cleared to be his mentors. That meant we were cleared to spend time with him, take him out on passes, have him at our house.”

Kenny spent Thanksgiving with Sears and her family, and then continued to have overnights while Adoption RI continued to facilitate whether or not he could become a permanent part of the Sears family.

“It was clear he wanted to be with us, and we wanted him to be with us,” Sears said. “We supported him and we supported his needs. Aging out of the system comes with such a stigma and the outcomes are awful. My partner Christine Forsyth and I have been foster parents for 15 years. Prior to Kenny joining our family, we had Theodore, who is 11, and Kamrin, who is nine. We had twin five-year-old boys placed with us in foster care, and a two-year-old who is adopted. People wonder how it would be to add a 17-year-old to that mix, and I can tell you, it was seamless. He was older so he was more independent, but he needed a home base and he needed support. Kenny identifies as transgender, and he needed someone to advocate for him, support him in his identity and to help him manage his appointments. He also needed to see that people in families can argue, fight, and still stick it out. People can be frustrated and still have a place to be, to feel safe.”

In her 13 years as a foster and adoptive parent, Fluette has noticed that many of the parents she has dealt with have had the same cycle as their children, living in the system. She works hard to support the parents of the children her family fosters, and is a big believer in staying connected with the biological families, as well as meeting up with siblings who may have been adopted by other families, whenever possible. She makes a great effort to keep them updated with photos, helping them to see they’ve made the right choice, and meeting up every so often when possible.

It’s that kind of support, as well as all of the other types of material, emotional, and individual support, that the founders of The Village hope to provide for other families traveling down the road of fostering and adopting. It’s that type of support to families that Kenny is grateful for, as he readies himself for his first year of college at Rhode Island College and advocates for older children in the foster system.

“I want people to get the support they need, so that kids can feel safe and find families,” he said. “I want people to remember that younger children of course need families, but don’t leave out the teenagers because they want to be adopted, too, and they’re waiting for a family, too.”

As The Village continues to expand its support services, the group will be hosting both in-person and online peer support groups. It also offers a wide variety of opportunities for volunteers. For more information, call 401-285-1510 or email rhodeislandvillage@gmail.com. The Village is located at 139 Ocean Ave. in Cranston.