In the 21st century, it is not uncommon for a child to come out as gay, bisexual or transgender. But, it always affects each family differently, and how they accept and address the topic is crucial for the child.

For Shari Roberti, she was surprised when her youngest of three children told her that, in fact, he was transgender.

“I have always considered myself an open and accepting person and I felt even more so after Alek told us he was trans,” she said “I am always proud to introduce Alek as my son and I always will be. I am amazed at him and the courage it took for him to be his true self.”

Shari was never aware of anything different or uncomfortable for Alek while he was young.

"Alek was a happy baby … as long as his sisters were around,” she said. “At nine and four and a half years old when he was born, they were a big help and playmate.”

He would happily play with Barbies and Polly Pockets for hours. Nothing in the early years would ever have led her to think she would ever be the parent of a transgender child.

“Alek enjoyed wearing dresses and other ‘girly’ things,” Shari said. “He did well in school and seemed to be thriving both at home and with friends. He never said a thing about his gender until high school. However, around third to fourth, grade he began having some difficulty with his friends.”

“I am not sure if this is because he was feeling different or because he would soon be diagnosed with ADHD. In July of 2016 when he was almost 15, he asked if he could get his beautiful curly hair cut super short. I said of course, and a friend’s mom did it for him as a birthday gift,” she said.

She did a bit of research on why he would want to have his hair cut and came to the conclusion that this may be a “coming-out haircut.”

A few weeks later, before the start of his sophomore year of high school, he asked if they could get his school clothes from the boys’ department.

“We were shopping with an aunt and she was more than willing to oblige,” Shari said. “At this point, I was starting to do some searching online for ways to support him and what the future may bring for us. I wanted to make sure he knew we were there for him and anything he needed.”

She wanted him to feel he could come to her with anything at all. When school started, she received a phone call from the orchestra director asking if she was aware Alek wanted to wear the boys’ tux for concerts instead of the dress required for the girls.

"I was aware and told her I was fine with it,” she said. “He did wear the tux to the Christmas concert and he looked so happy and dapper. I was so proud of him for being who he truly wanted to be.”

While Alek was able to find comfort and understanding in his school and friends, there were some people who simply could not get on board.

"There was a teacher who refused to call Alek by his chosen name, until it was officially changed,” she said. “Other than that the school was fantastic, making accommodations as needed and making sure he was safe. I don’t know about any employment issues. Alek is very private. As for his friends, they are all very accepting. There may have been some issues in high school but Alek never brought them to my attention — he either handled it himself or reached out to a teacher or other staff member at the school.”

“He had ordered a binder (chest binding is wrapping something around your chest to flatten your breasts) for himself online in January of 2017," Shari recalled.

His dad opened it and was very upset. It bothered Shari that Alek felt he needed to bind, and it made her sad that he had to “alter” himself to be who he was meant to be.

“After years of binding Alek had top surgery in 2020,” she said. “I don’t personally remember him telling us that he was trans. His dad does, but I think that by that point I kind of already knew. Alek’s dad was a bit longer to accept his true identity. He is a very cautious man and just wanted to be sure we were doing the right thing for him.”

Now, hearing him refer to Alek as “my son” is a normal thing. Shortly after this Alek asked for testosterone therapy. She did some research and found the Hasbro Adolescent Clinic. They went for their first appointment and the doctor was insistent they start Alek on “T” immediately to avoid any suicidal thoughts or mental health concerns.

When it came to discussing the matter with family members and close friends, there was some trepidation on their part.

“We never really sat down to tell people,” she said. “His sisters could see the transition happening and we answered their questions as best we could. I do remember his 16th birthday party — I asked everyone to sing ‘Happy Birthday Alek’ to show our support. A few older family members were surprised but did as I asked. Alek was beaming. I have a friend who also has a transgender child; she was helpful along the way. Her son is about 12 years older than Alek, and he offered Alex support, but being so stubborn and independent he refused.”

“We decided to take Alek to a therapist for a few months before we began any permanent treatments,” she said. “After we felt that this was what was best for him we went back and began the testosterone, which made his voice deeper and he eventually grew facial hair.”

Her initial reaction was to be as supportive as she could. Shari doesn't ever remember thinking that she couldn’t handle this or that she wouldn’t be supportive.

Being a practical person, she started looking into how to change his name and the papers and process for doing that. She also looked into support groups for families, but never attended any. 

“I would just google ways to be a supportive parent and read as much as I could,” she said. “I wanted to make sure I was doing and saying the right things to let Alek know I was there no matter what. As time went on I did some research on different ways to bind because the binders were uncomfortable for him. When it came time for top surgery, I spent many hours looking for the right doctor for him.”

“I joined a Facebook group that had some great advice,” she recalled. “The mama bear really came out. If this was truly my son, then no one had better get in our way. I started researching how to change his name and get his birth certificate altered. It wasn’t easy but we got it done. Our day in court was very exciting. The judge was super nice and supportive.”

Sometimes she still can’t believe they actually did all this. But their child needed them to help and support him. Most family members were supportive. Some took longer than others to accept Alek, but in the end they were very fortunate to have 100% support from all family and friends.

On the rare occasion when Shari, or her family members, run into people they haven't seen lately, they are eager to tell people about their family.

“I am always proud to let people know when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while and I get the inevitable ‘How are the girls?’”

“Well … one of them is a boy now,” she says. “No one has ever made a big deal about it. I am not sure if they approve, but that’s not my concern. Sometimes I don’t get into it — in my research I have read that this is Alek’s story to tell and no one should ‘out’ him without his approval. I guess it just depends who I am talking to.”

“As for Alek’s future I hope he can find happiness and acceptance wherever life takes him,” she said. “He is fiercely independent but I think he knows we are here for him and will always be. My favorite line for my kids — 'I will always be your number one fan, no one will ever love you as much as I do.’”

Editor’s Note: Cranston freelancer Pam Schiff has been writing and submitting items to the Herald for more than a decade.