Rev. Dr. Donnie Anderson, 74, was nine years old when she knew something was something different about her. She couldn’t explain what and thought long and hard about how to approach it.

“No one had even thought of the word transgender in those days,” said Anderson.

Anderson, who grew up in Cranston and now lives in Providence, spoke about her experience as a transgender woman to Warwick Rotarians on Thursday afternoon. Anderson is an ordained minister, educator, counselor and social activist who served as the executive minister of the Rhode Island State Council of Churches. Today she continues to work for social justice from a faith perspective.

Anderson came from a conservative, religious background and approached her mom at 9 years old about what she’d noticed about herself. Talking about God in the household was normal, so Anderson said, “Mom, isn’t it great what God has done?”

Her mom responded, with “What do you think that God has done that’s so great?” followed by Anderson explaining that God gave her dad and uncle her brother and God gave her mom and aunt Anderson.

Anderson said she received three messages that day: one, that her mom loved her; two, that there were two teams and Anderson played for the men’s side; and three, they would never talk about this again.

“I now understand that at the age of nine, I went into a closet – a dark closet – shut the door, locked it, bolted it, and I lived in that closet for six decades,” Anderson said.

It wasn’t until Anderson was on the verge of turning 70 that she came out to her family as transgender..

“Throughout the course of my life, that person in that closet was pounding on that door loud and hard, but I constantly pushed it back,” Anderson said.

After coming out, Anderson was concerned about losing her profession at the Rhode Island State Council of Churches because she loved being a pastor. She was grateful when the board voted 31-0 to support her. Anderson also received support from so many others and was lucky to live in an accepting state like Rhode Island. She added that today, a number of people are migrating to the state because it is a more accepting place that allows individuals to live their lives.

Anderson said in the general population, the attempted suicide rate is just over 4 percent. In the transgender community that statistic is over 40 percent. In the adolescent transgender and non-binary community, that number is anywhere from the high 40s to 53 percent.

“The number is going up because across the country and even here in Rhode Island legislation is being introduced to deny people their reality that they’re trans,” Anderson said.

When people hear the word transgender, Anderson said the first thing people think about is surgeries. While there are a number of individuals who take hormone therapy and have surgeries done, not everyone does.

As for children, Anderson said nobody should push a kid in one direction or another and instead, create space for the child to move in the direction that their authentic self is moving them. If a child wants surgery, the process involves a lot of mental health conversations – people just don’t call up their doctor and schedule a surgery.

“That isn’t the way it happens,” Anderson said.

If a child is unsure of a transition, individuals can take hormone blockers to stop puberty. If the child decides to continue with their assigned gender, the individual stops taking the hormone blockers and puberty proceeds as normal.

The question of participation in sports came up at Thursday’s meeting, with Anderson saying from a pragmatic standpoint, the number of male athletes who want to participate with women is a small number and is essentially a non-issue. From a philosophical standpoint, she said a transgender girl is a girl and deserves every right to live her life.

“If she’s a violinist, she should be able to play the violin. If she’s an athlete, she ought to participate in sports,” Anderson said.

“Transgender is who you are on the inside,” Anderson said. “If you can only imagine what it’s like to stand in front of a mirror without your clothes on and look at the reflection and know what you’re seeing is not really you. That was my reality.”

Executive Director Lara D’Antuono of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Warwick said from her line of work she sees a lot of kids that are fluid; sometimes they identify one way and then another way and how to go about that. She asked what Anderson would tell that nine year old child today. Anderson responded saying she would ask them how they feel today and how they would like to express themselves that day.

“Let them make a choice. Let them choose the clothes they want to wear. Let them choose the pronouns they want to use,” Anderson said.

As for guidance for parents and grandparents, Anderson suggested individuals connect with the national group Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and the TGI Network of Rhode Island which serves the needs of the transgender, gender diverse and intersex communities through support, advocacy and education.

“I wonder what my life would’ve been like if at nine I lived today and had parents who understood this and I could have started living as a nine year old as my authentic self,” Anderson said.