Life Matters

Goofy RI laws still on the books


A nicely dressed elderly couple wanted to spend the day touring the mansions in Newport and decided it would be fun to take the trolley. While riding, they took in the sights along Bellevue Avenue enjoying the fresh breeze from the open window. Who in the world could afford such luxurious mansions? The lawns were manicured perfectly and the bushes were artistically trimmed into whimsical shapes. While they were admiring the ostentatious scenery, a woman dressed in farmer jeans and a T-shirt was walking down the aisle of the trolley munching on pickles from a jar. The vehicle lurched forward as it stopped for a red light, sending the woman flying.  She caught herself on one of the railings, but the pickle juice propelled out of the jar onto the elderly couple. "Ah!  Have to call the police," the driver said. A person can get fined if they throw pickle juice while on a trolley…  

At a family picnic, the grandparents, aunts and uncles feasted on an abundance of hot dogs, potato salad, cheeseburgers, and freshly buttered ears of corn from Morris Farms. They were chatting with animation as the younger cousins played nearby. Knowing that playing "Cowboys and Indians" was politically inappropriate, they played SWAT team, ambushing a known villain. "Pow! Pow! Bam! Bam!" went their cap guns, going off with a tiny puff of smoke. The commotion was soon interrupted by a visit from the police. Cap guns are illegal in Rhode Island, considered under the same category as explosives.

Fifty-two-year-old Robert was spritzing around the country roads in Scituate in his new, red sports car. Unable to afford such a vehicle when he was younger, he felt like a kid again, taking advantage of the sunny day by putting the convertible roof down. The small amount of hair he had left on his balding head flew in the wind, giving him a "mad scientist look". He stopped at liquor store and bought a case of beer, which he stowed away in the trunk before hopping back into the car.  As he took off, the speed increased as he shifted from first gear to second to third, and he was soon being followed by a policeman who pulled him over. The officer did not ticket him for speeding, but gave him a ticket for having the case of beer in his car. In Scituate, it is illegal to possess or consume alcoholic beverages. The beer was in his possession.

On Sunday, Cathy, a young waitress, had just cashed her check and she ran into the store to buy toiletries.  She chose her favorite shampoo that would leave her hair shiny and silky. Knowing how hard she had to run around the restaurant serving the guests, the deodorant she picked provided "maximum protection" from sweat and odor. Sweet Apple body wash soon joined the other items in the basket, followed by toothpaste and a new, bright blue toothbrush. When she got to the cash register, the young clerk, about her age, smiled a gleaming smile. ("Do you think she would go out with me?" he thought to himself.) The items were scanned through the register and bagged, and Cathy paid with a 20-dollar bill.  As he handed her back the change, gently brushing his hand against hers, the police swarmed in and arrested the bewildered clerk. He didn’t know that it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same person on a Sunday.

Hubby and I have been married for almost a zillion years now.  Anyone who knows me knows that house cleaning is not in my repertoire of skills, which is often a complaint of his.  All of a sudden on Saturday, for some unknown and probably outlandish reason, I got the unbelievable urge to clean! Scrub, scrub, scrub the bathroom! Change the shower curtain! Wash the rug! Sterilize the trash container! Then clean the living room. Wash the windows! Vacuum the rug! Polish the tables and wipe off the ashes from the woodstove! Onto the kitchen!  Clean the dishes, floor, refrigerator, counters, oven, microwave and so on and so on. Saturday, I was a cleaning lunatic! Oh, dear, that means hubby can legally dissolve our marriage. (Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or a lunatic is null and void.) Nah, he'd never do that, especially after I finally cleaned the house!


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The Skipper

Yet in this State of stupid laws they make sure people who overdose have access to drugs that will reverse their stupidity, while making sure to "preserve a woman's "right" to Kill an innocent baby". A woman's rights being an excuse for murder, and the person who overdosed. brought back from death and they immediately reform change their lives and become a useful human being? or are we just waiting till they will eventually be in a place where they can't get an antidote for their stupidity?

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Dear Skipper,

You believe that a woman's right to have an abortion should be taken away because in your eyes it's murder. So conversely, that means that if you masturbate in the shower & your sperm washes down the drain you too are also guilty of killing a baby.

Please sir, until you, yourself squeeze a watermelon out of a hole the size of a plum, get your runaway train of thought under control to prevent it from any further derailing. You have absolutely no say as to what a woman can & can not do with her own body, the very same way she can not tell you what you can & can not do in the shower.



Sunday, November 17, 2019