Give the gift of respite this year

There’s something sadly ironic about the fact that some of the people who most need and deserve a helping hand are the least likely to ask for one.
Every day, thousands of Rhode Islanders (about one in 10) who already have a full slate of responsibilities – jobs, kids, pets, volunteer work – take on the additional role of being primary caregivers for aging or chronically sick family members.
Although they perform a job that should warrant a full-time paycheck, they collect no money for their services. They get no relief on weekends, holidays or special occasions. They navigate the impossible complexities of our unforgiving insurance and health care industries, serve as transportation to and from appointments and keep track of regimented medication routines. They do this all the while knowing that – in many cases – they are fighting a losing battle against nature and time.
Many times they were never even officially asked by anybody to take on the role in the first place. When expensive outpatient or inpatient care is not an option, family is the last line of defense. They step up. And yet they do this work without complaint. While they may have been thrust into that position for any variety of reasons – injury, age, disease, etc. – they answer the call because that’s just how powerful love can be.
But love alone can’t sustain someone taking on such a monumental and important task.
Providing unpaid caregiving can take a very real toll on someone’s physical and emotional health, especially if they feel like the weight of their loved one’s care rests solely on them. Once they take on the role for a time, asking for help will not come naturally, as they have likely hardened themselves to believe it is a weight they must carry on their own.
This holiday season, consider gifting some of your time to help someone in your life who cares for someone in need. But please take heed to avoid giving them another task. Instead of asking “How can I help?” make them a home-cooked meal or dessert and show up at their door. Reach out and offer to assume their post for an upcoming evening so they can go out with friends, see a movie or just spend some time doing something they want to do. Sometimes, just having someone else show that their sacrifice is noticed and appreciated can make that sacrifice feel less consuming.
Providing respite to someone who often gets none might seem like a small gesture, but you can be assured that to someone in a caregiving role, it means so much more. We must not forget that caregivers need care too.