'Keep her in your memory'

Event puts spotlight on issues of domestic violence, sexual assault

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There was no walking on Saturday at Hugh B. Bain Middle School, but there was plenty of listening.

While many Rhode Islanders escaped Saturday’s heat wave by staying indoors, some braved the nearly triple-digit temperatures for “A Walk in Memory of Lauren Ise.”

Ise, 29, of Cranston, was killed in March. Her estranged boyfriend, 40-year-old Michael Marrapese, has been charged with her murder.

The walk portion of the event could not be held because of the weather, but event organizer Marisa LeClair still had everyone covered. A series of cooling tents were set up across the grassy area next to the track, and drinks were provided to attendees to help them stay hydrated.

Bev DeSimone ran the kids’ table, offering a range of art supplies and proposing a water fight, while LeClair headed the registration booth at the center of the event.

Deb Ferrante and Gina Scordino of the Warwick-based Elizabeth Buffum Chace Center – which covers Cranston, Johnston, North Providence and Kent County – spoke during the middle of the event. Scordino, the center’s director of community services, and Ferrante, who works as a counselor, were on hand to discuss the services and resources provided by their organization and its sister agencies at the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

“I wish I had known Lauren,” Ferrante told the crowd. “This is a wonderful turnout … and I can see by the faces that are here that she had a big impact on all of your lives, and we are so sorry for your loss. We can’t say that enough. So how can we fix this? What can we do to combat the tolerance of domestic abuse and sexual assault?”

Ferrante and Scordino train personnel from police departments, the Department of Children, Youth and Families and other groups to identify the signs and dynamics of an abusive relationship, as well as how to respond to a given situation.

Ferrante said it is a normal response for friends and family to search inward after a tragedy like Lauren’s, wondering whether there was anything they could have done to prevent it from occurring. She assured those in attendance that it was “highly unlikely that there’s anything you could have done to have changed this outcome.”

“If there was something you could have done, and you knew to do it, you would have done it,” Ferrante said. “This happens with all grieving processes. We always ask that of ourselves when we lose somebody that we love.”

Both Ferrante and Scordino said there are numerous factors that make domestic violence cases difficult to recognize and treat. As Ferrante noted, one of Lauren’s closest friends said she was always “very happy all the time.”

Scordino, a domestic violence survivor, said that a persistent stigma and walls erected by the abuser can also can prevent agencies from providing needed assistance.

“It is about the abuser,” she said. “This is what they do. They create a barrier. It is important to always reach out and refer [victims] to our agency and any one of the sister agencies. There are many people that survive this, but there are many people that don’t. All we have to do is keep continuing the work, keep continuing to support anyone that you know that might be in an abusive relationship, because it isn’t a thing they can just make a decision to step out of.”

Ferrante and Scordino are on a mission to end domestic violence and sexual assault, and they have quite a bit of help. The web of agencies has advocates at courthouses and police departments throughout the state, and there are restraining order offices as well that will aid victims at no cost.

“It does not cost anything but time,” Ferrante said. “So that’s education that you can share with friends and family if you feel that they’re in a dangerous situation where that might help them out.”

There are also shelters around Rhode Island in undisclosed locations for victims, as well as community centers that provide other services. These are victims with whom Scordino works every day, and she said they are courageous for seeking assistance while continuing to support themselves and their families.

“They go to work, they raise their children even though they’re stuck in this dynamic,” Scordino said. “And believe me when I tell you it’s almost never that a victim meets their abuser and has any idea that that person’s going to be an abuser, OK? Victims go in and put their best foot forward and they are going in to fulfill their hopes and dreams for a loving relationship, and what happens is this abuser turns on them.”

Scordino said calls are encouraged at any time, and the EBCC can be reached at 738-1700 and info@ebccenter.org. The statewide hotline is 1-800-494-8100.

Scordino and Ferrante live for helping victims, and they specialize in helping those who feel trapped.

“Don't say things like, ‘Why didn’t she just get out?’ Because you have no idea how hard it is to step through that barrier,” Scordino said. “My life is to continue to support victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, to keep putting out that education. That is what we do … Even in this heat, no matter what, you keep her in your memory. And let’s try to continue to do the work to save the next victim.”

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