Life Matters

Parenting is difficult

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The mom and dad joyously bring their new baby home from the hospital. He has mom’s eyes and dad’s chin, and screams like his mom did on the roller coaster at Six Flags, only his screaming doesn’t stop. They’ve tried swaddling him, rocking him, white noise, rock music, walking around the house, feeding him and changing his diaper, yet he still screams. His parents wonder what they have gotten themselves into. They are tired, crabby, and haven’t showered since he was born, let alone eaten a meal in peace. They celebrate when he finally settles on a schedule of sleeping during the day, and only screaming all night. His world, and theirs, is upside down, but at least they have some time of peace during the day. Parenting can be very challenging! But then, at the age of 6 weeks, the crabby infant suddenly looks dad in the eyes and smiles. All is well with the world!

The energetic preschooler is too large to sit in the Walmart carriage, so mom lets him “walk beside her.” (Yeah, right, like that’s going to end well!) He takes off at rocket speed straight for the toy department. By the time mom has reached him, he has emptied out a carton of Mickie Mouse plush toys on the floor, specifically looking for Goofy, who is no where to be found. Mom freaks out and screams at him, and frantically begins picking up all of the loose toys to put them back in the carton. With mom’s angry tone of voice, combined with no Goofy, he throws himself on the floor and tantrums. Mom picks him up and puts him into the carriage with his legs sticking up and out. This makes him cry louder, and draws stares from surrounding shoppers. Parenting can be very difficult! However, later at night, this temper tantrum tyrant, climbs onto his mom’s lap and curls up to cuddle. “I love you.” He says, and suddenly the day doesn’t seem so bad.

The ten year old hates going to school. She doesn’t like her teacher, who yells at her all of the time to sit in her seat and be quiet. She often has to stay in for recess because she hasn’t finished her work. She doesn’t pay attention in any of her classes, except for art and gym, of course. Doing homework is a problem; she chews on her pencil, watches the mailman drive by, sees a pretty blue bird flitter about in the nearby tree, and half-listens to the cartoons her younger brother is watching in the other room. She sits at the table whining for an hour and a half, doing something that should take her 20 minutes. When she stomps off to school each day, she accuses her parents of hating her. Her parents are under a lot of stress, and they argue constantly. Parenting can be tough! At the next doctor’s appointment, when trying to complete the eye exam, the pediatrician notices that she has problems with paying attention, and kindly suggests an evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), which, eventually, determines that she has problems in this area. Suggestions are made for school modifications, and possible medication should the parents choose. This sweet ten year old is once again able to play at recess with her friends.

The 7th grader is a nightmare. He regularly swears and talks back to his parents, (and they swear back.) If they were observant, they would notice that the bush outside his bedroom window was crushed flat from heaving himself out of his bedroom window, which he does in the middle of the night to hang out with his friends to drink or smoke pot. Sleeping late in the morning and skipping school becomes his priority. He no longer wants to go to family activities, and is sullen and depressed. Parenting can be very challenging and affect the happiness of the whole family. With some counseling for their son, and parenting counseling for them, parents and son learn to love each other again. They make time to do more fun, family activities and have family dinners together. Another crisis has been averted.

There are a million different parenting stories, parenting styles, and parenting living arrangements. Parenting is the most difficult job anyone can do. It is a lifelong commitment for which parents should give themselves a pat on the back, as do I. You have not adopted your child out to another family, but have chosen to continue to love him/her. Congratulations!

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